Ballerina Burnout
Hi, I'm Lizzy, and not only did I show up two weeks late for class, (a long story that isn't interesting enough to bother mentioning), but I am also old enough to have already graduated college. Yeah, I'm a 22-year-old sophomore who just transferred from San Diego State University.
I can't tell you why exactly I thought it would be a good idea to leave Southern California, with its year round 75 and sunny climate, where we had pools for each of our dorms, the dankest Mexican food, and beaches that were a 5 minute Uber ride from campus... But I can say that Rutgers has treated me well so far, and I guess I've always been a Jersey girl at heart, although I only really lived here my senior year of high school (during which half of my day was spent dancing in New York City).
I used to be a ballet dancer, and that was my identity for my entire life, from age three, up until I turned 21. The winter of my senior year, while all of my classmates were applying to their dream colleges, I was spending my weekends traversing the country, auditioning for ballet companies. January to April of 2014 was by far the most daunting, frustrating, and mentally taxing time of my life to date. Thousands of dancers flocked to these cattle calls, vying for the limited amount of contracts that were available. If you weren't "in" by age 18, there was slim to no chance of becoming a professional at all, because as a ballet dancer, time is your worst adversary.
Here are a couple of my audition photos (kind of like the dancer's equivalent to a college essay, only they required a lot less work, and a stupid amount of my money)
I ended up having to choose between Orlando Ballet and the City Ballet of San Diego. Being an angsty teenager who was more than ready to get as far away from her family as possible, I decided to spend the summer in Orlando, and accept a year-long contract in San Diego. Being part of a ballet company which rehearsed 8 or more hours a day five to six days a week taught me how to be disciplined and to keep calm under immense pressure, both of which I still need to work on. But even with the stress and frustration that came with my first real job, there was no better feeling than dancing onstage.
Unfortunately, that same year, I sprained my ankle. Not once, not twice, but nine times in three different places. Being the broke, young, and stupid kid I was, I decided to forgo seeing a specialist, instead, loaded up on Ibuprofen and Icy Hot and continued to dance, pretending nothing was wrong. Long story short, my foot eventually became screwed up beyond repair (or repair necessary to continue dancing at the intensity I was required to), and when my contract expired in the May of 2015, I was forced to stop dancing, move back home, and eventually figure out where my life would go from there. I spent the next year teaching ballet classes at a local studio, working a minimum wage job at Stop and Shop, and applying for colleges, my top choice being San Diego State. I attended for a year, then decided to transfer somewhere with in-state tuition, because I'm not trying to pay off student loans until I'm a senior citizen. I fell in love with Rutgers as soon as I visited during a game day. See? We've finally come full circle.
Now That you know a little more about my story, here are a couple of my favorite things, that also helped shape me to be, as my ex boyfriend unfondingly used to say, an "eccentric enigma."
MY FAVORITE SONGS:
"All Star"-Smashmouth
"Summer Wine"-Nancy Sinatra
"Sunday Morning Coming Down"- Johnny Cash
"Captain Jack"- Billy Joel
"Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems"-Lana Del Rey and Stevie Nicks
MY FAVORITE MOVIES:
It's so difficult to narrow it down, so here's a list of my top five;
Chicago (fun fact: over the summer, I chopped my waist-length red hair to my chin and dyed it dark brown to be more like the main character, Velma Kelly)
The Little Mermaid
The Silence of the Lambs
Moulin Rouge
Stand By Me
and...My all-time favorite which I have seen over 50 times, excluding ten times live in theatre, and can quote in its entirety, The Rocky Horror Picture Show
MY FAVORITE BOOKS:
Fight Club By Chuck Palahniuk
Les Miserables By Victor Hugo
The Shining By Stephen King
Hannibal Rising By Thomas Harris
The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky
And every one of the "Harry Potter" books, by my queen, JK Rowling
I think I probably shared more about myself than y'all care to know, but I've always been pretty extra. I look forward to reading your posts, and hopefully getting to know all of you a little more!
#college
I can't tell you why exactly I thought it would be a good idea to leave Southern California, with its year round 75 and sunny climate, where we had pools for each of our dorms, the dankest Mexican food, and beaches that were a 5 minute Uber ride from campus... But I can say that Rutgers has treated me well so far, and I guess I've always been a Jersey girl at heart, although I only really lived here my senior year of high school (during which half of my day was spent dancing in New York City).
I used to be a ballet dancer, and that was my identity for my entire life, from age three, up until I turned 21. The winter of my senior year, while all of my classmates were applying to their dream colleges, I was spending my weekends traversing the country, auditioning for ballet companies. January to April of 2014 was by far the most daunting, frustrating, and mentally taxing time of my life to date. Thousands of dancers flocked to these cattle calls, vying for the limited amount of contracts that were available. If you weren't "in" by age 18, there was slim to no chance of becoming a professional at all, because as a ballet dancer, time is your worst adversary.
Here are a couple of my audition photos (kind of like the dancer's equivalent to a college essay, only they required a lot less work, and a stupid amount of my money)
I ended up having to choose between Orlando Ballet and the City Ballet of San Diego. Being an angsty teenager who was more than ready to get as far away from her family as possible, I decided to spend the summer in Orlando, and accept a year-long contract in San Diego. Being part of a ballet company which rehearsed 8 or more hours a day five to six days a week taught me how to be disciplined and to keep calm under immense pressure, both of which I still need to work on. But even with the stress and frustration that came with my first real job, there was no better feeling than dancing onstage.
Unfortunately, that same year, I sprained my ankle. Not once, not twice, but nine times in three different places. Being the broke, young, and stupid kid I was, I decided to forgo seeing a specialist, instead, loaded up on Ibuprofen and Icy Hot and continued to dance, pretending nothing was wrong. Long story short, my foot eventually became screwed up beyond repair (or repair necessary to continue dancing at the intensity I was required to), and when my contract expired in the May of 2015, I was forced to stop dancing, move back home, and eventually figure out where my life would go from there. I spent the next year teaching ballet classes at a local studio, working a minimum wage job at Stop and Shop, and applying for colleges, my top choice being San Diego State. I attended for a year, then decided to transfer somewhere with in-state tuition, because I'm not trying to pay off student loans until I'm a senior citizen. I fell in love with Rutgers as soon as I visited during a game day. See? We've finally come full circle.
Now That you know a little more about my story, here are a couple of my favorite things, that also helped shape me to be, as my ex boyfriend unfondingly used to say, an "eccentric enigma."
MY FAVORITE SONGS:
"All Star"-Smashmouth
"Summer Wine"-Nancy Sinatra
"Sunday Morning Coming Down"- Johnny Cash
"Captain Jack"- Billy Joel
"Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems"-Lana Del Rey and Stevie Nicks
MY FAVORITE MOVIES:
It's so difficult to narrow it down, so here's a list of my top five;
Chicago (fun fact: over the summer, I chopped my waist-length red hair to my chin and dyed it dark brown to be more like the main character, Velma Kelly)
The Little Mermaid
The Silence of the Lambs
Moulin Rouge
Stand By Me
and...My all-time favorite which I have seen over 50 times, excluding ten times live in theatre, and can quote in its entirety, The Rocky Horror Picture Show
MY FAVORITE BOOKS:
Fight Club By Chuck Palahniuk
Les Miserables By Victor Hugo
The Shining By Stephen King
Hannibal Rising By Thomas Harris
The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky
And every one of the "Harry Potter" books, by my queen, JK Rowling
I think I probably shared more about myself than y'all care to know, but I've always been pretty extra. I look forward to reading your posts, and hopefully getting to know all of you a little more!
Dear Lizzy,
ReplyDeleteThis is a thoughtful and interesting glimpse into your life, and you have a very unique perspective to offer. From where I sit, being a 22 year old sophomore sounds just fine, especially since you've dedicated almost all of your life to the study of dance. When we start talking about the video projects, I wonder if you would like to explore what that's like on some level--either how much discipline it takes, or how all-consuming it can be, or perhaps looking at some mythology around ballet dancing that isn't true, or how you were able to accept your change of plans (or not--you might still be working it out), but just know that your experience is singular and unusual and could be a good topic to focus on. That's up to you--I want you to choose something that you're interested in or obsessed with, so start thinking about it now. Love all of your movie choices and books selections. Stephen King is one of my favorite writers because he makes you turn the page. You must find out what happened next. I'm glad you're in our class. Your perseverance shows--you move forward regardless of what obstacles might appear, and that is courageous.